Whenever I read something about how a person never feels accepted by a group, I am immediately filled with an urge to hit them in the face. Instead I grit my teeth in frustration and say something like “How sad for you”.
From my experience, belonging to a group and having its acceptance has always been a lazy excuse for not thinking nor forging your own way in this wilderness we call life.
Being cast out forces you to grow, it forces your mind to expand and make critical decisions.
The most important of those being, “Who am I?”, “What are my values?”, “What makes me happy?”. Like it or not, you are probably not going to get answers to those questions by toeing the company line. You are not going to be fulfilled by spending the rest of your life going along with what the group says.
Most people are idiots. They are as deep as a puddle and as healthy to draw nourishment from. You would do well to avoid taking heed from the person on the street. Instead you should take steps to ensure that you yourself are the arbiter of excellent.
Something that springs to mind. I was doing some errands when I had the misfortune of hearing this particular ditty. “I had kept my Lopata on the office chair, when a foreign worker sat on it. Naturally I could not wear that again, so I threw it out”.
The ethnicity of the worker is irrelevant. What is pertinent to the discussion is what it says about the person who said it, and what it says about those who nodded their heads in assent.
It is possible to live without a collective identity. All you need are a few friends who share your views.
I mean, let’s talk about being a Maldivian. I have never felt like a Maldivian In my entire life. For long have I felt like a perpetual foreigner, wandering around these small islands, always in discontent. I wonder if it has to do with intellect. I read somewhere that the dumber you are, the happier you are. One of the disadvantages of having a high IQ is that it tends to come with diminished social skills. I am unable to bark empty platitudes on command.
I once tried to go along with the herd. I repeated my false opinions, or rather I tried to. My throat constricted and my stomach turned into knots. In bed that day I had headaches and nausea.
Want another example? You are familiar with Jumhuri Maidhan. Foreigners use that place for evening get-togethers. A person was saying that it was almost exclusively filled with non-Maldivians. “Good for them!” I thought to myself. If Maldivians are not using the park and its grounds, then someone else may get some use out of it. But the complainer dissented. “We are losing our culture and our values!” he shot back. What values? I thought to myself. The values which state that dating a foreign worker is something to be ashamed of? That was one of the complaints he had as well. He complained that it was a sad sight that Maldivian women were just walking hand in hand with foreigners now.
Is this a perpetual case of “sour grapes”? I never felt accepted in a particular group, so am I just like that fox? Am I complaining bitterly about being excluded? I don’t believe so.
There is nothing wrong with a sense of belonging. What is wrong is the reliance on a herd at the expense of individual thoughts and opinions.
Nothing but heaven itself is better than a friend who is really a friend.
–Plautus
I concur. I feel alien in this land too, but it has made me think outside of the box and be a better person in some levels.
I don’t go with the herd because the herd is in my opinion boxed in.
This is positive, I really like it… hoping you are strong enough to remain independant . Believe you will be!
Nice article. I cant agree with you more.